Child lies: reasons and what parents can do about it

If your child is lying, it is usually not out of malice. There can be many reasons behind this. Read here what they can be and what you can do so that your child no longer has to lie.

Child is lying - so you react correctly

Your child reportedly brushed his teeth, but the toothbrush is completely dry? When children lie, many parents react annoyed. Understandably. But scolding or punishing rarely helps.

• Therefore, the following applies to you as parents:
• Be a good role model for your child. Reflect on your own "lying behavior". How often do you use a little white lie? Children usually notice very well when parents pretend something to them.
• Never severely punish your child for a lie. Instead, draw conclusions that the child can understand and justify them.
• An example: If your child has whispered to you that they have already brushed their teeth, then you will have to stand by and check them again in the near future. Your child will probably find this annoying and think twice next time if he is lying about it again.
• Do not put pressure on your child and do not demand admission of guilt. This makes your child feel small and worthless.
• If your child persists in telling a lie, explain what the consequences can be. For example, if it insists several times that you have already brushed your teeth, tell him that if you don't brush properly, your teeth will break. Then you can no longer eat properly - not even the delicious and sweet things.
• Explain to your child that you are familiar with the family and that certain rules must be followed. At the same time, encourage your child to tell the truth and make it clear that you still love them if they admit a lie.
• Express your child's appreciation for admitting a lie. For example, tell him that you think it's great and brave that he said the truth.
• Never measure your child in front of others - especially not in front of your peers. This is tantamount to humiliation. Talk to the misconduct in peace at home.
• Important: If you lied yourself once and your child "caught" you, explain to him why you did this. Lying to someone so as not to hurt them is different from lying out of malice.
• If your offspring is repeatedly caught up in lies and you can no longer get hold of them, look for support. For example at family advice centers such as Caritas or Pro Familia.
• By the way: Many experts say that children under the age of seven should not be told about lying. At this age, reality and imagination cannot be properly distinguished. Therefore, parents of younger children are often told stories that are not entirely correct.

That's why children lie

Children never lie for no reason, but mostly not maliciously. These can be the reasons:

• Younger children cannot yet differentiate fantasy and reality (see previous chapter).
• Lies to create more freedom. This happens especially when the youngsters feel limited.
• Lies out of shame.
• Lies to get recognition.
• Lying for fear of severe punishment, rejection or confrontation.
• Lies to strengthen your self-confidence.
• Lying from being overwhelmed, for example if the school grades are incorrect or a difficult family situation is going through (divorce, illness, death)
• Lies out of courtesy and consideration. So-called white lies use older children in order not to burden the parents, for example.